Let the Sunshine In

We live in a noisy world that constantly sends us messages.

Some messages are good. I mean, just think about all the positive body-image messages that have been produced/released lately. Music lyrics and ad campaigns targeting the worn-down self-esteem of  women and girls, lifting and enlightening. Lots of Girl Power going on lately.

And that is great.

But . . .

there are still plenty of negative messages aimed directly at our hearts, minds and souls. We are bombarded with print ads, radio ads, T.V. and films, even entire cable channels directed at filling our time and minds with junk. And the constant message that we never quite measure up.

We hear do this, be that, get this, buy that. More! More! More of everything! 

I literally battle against 'more' every day.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

You are enough!

Never let anyone tell you that you aren't or that in any way you are lacking.

Yesterday I had the most uplifting conversation with a new friend of mine. She recently had her first baby--an adorable little boy who is smart and full of energy. Her pregnancy was rough, requiring nearly three months bed rest! (I cannot even imagine!) Consequently, she gained quite a bit of weight. Weight that she'd like to lose but the task seems so daunting. She's been working out regularly, eating healthy, and having some success. But some success doesn't quite feel like enough. She feels like she needs to lose more.

Do more! Run more! Sweat more!

The message is overwhelming.

We agreed the word 'more' is the enemy. 

Let's eliminate the word more and watch what happens.

Suddenly things seem doable.

Do! That's it. Don't do more. Just do!

 Run! Sweat! Eat! Pray! Love! Smile!

That's it. 

If by chance you find something within yourself in need of improvement, focus on the little things--baby steps. 

Start by doing the right things--now. One step at a time.

Good Enough

I've been riding a roller coaster since last Saturday. One moment pleased with my PR. The next moment questioning if I could have done better; telling myself I should have done better.

We runners are an interesting lot. We can be so highly competitive with our own selves that we become our own worst enemy.

Speed is a relative thing. It is highly dependent upon innumerable factors. What one runner considers a slow, easy jog is another person's personal best. We all know and accept that. And for some--for me--running isn't always about competing, improving, or meeting goals. For the most part, running to me is about moving, breathing hard, feeling alive. And that is 100% okay. Or is it? At what point do we feel okay not giving it our all, because, let's face it, we can't give 100% effort every run. That is just ludicrous. Sometimes I need to run long and slow, taking my time to enjoy the feeling of running.

Just last night I went for a run with my hubby. It was only about 159 degrees outside and I had only eaten about 114 pounds of food. I was sweating before we even hit the road and my gut felt like it had been filled with rocks. At some point though the feeling of air rushing in and out of my lungs and my legs pumping beneath filled me with joy and I forgot about how uncomfortable I felt. That's what keeps me going more than any goals, PR's, or prizes. Sometimes the work is the reward. The key is to keep moving, making the effort every day.

So there's your pep talk, your daily dose of motivation. Get out, get it done.

Moonlight and Marathons

This guy will be our running guide for the next nine months as we journey into fall, survive winter, and hold on through spring.

Running in the dark is different than running in the light. It's harder for me; not being able to see what's in front of me, unsure of each footfall and never quite trusting the roadway. And then there's the danger...but that's all part if the training, what makes us hardy, confident of our ability to do hard things.

I don't like doing hard things. I've never been intrigued by a challenge. I've done hard things though and know the joy of conquering. And sometimes I'm tempted to push my own limits. Sometimes. . .

Yesterday I read saw on a blog a meme about the marathon. On it was printed a version of Psalm 26:2 "Examine me, oh Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart." I love it! I love how both the scripture reference and the verse apply to running--the marathon with its 26.2 miles, especially. And now I'll admit that I went searching for an equally inspiring scripture referencing a shorter distance--say 13:1??? Nada. Couldn't find one. So I guess 26:2--the marathon--it is.

And just because I'm astounded that the moonset could be as breathtaking as the sunset, here from my run this morning:

Detours and Dead Ends

This morning an acquaintance challenged me to write another book. Actually, he challenged me to finish a book I started writing years ago. He's challenged me several times in the past to finish this book to which I've laughed and replied that I'm either taking a break from fiction or that project is dead. But this morning his nudge seems to have hit me in the right spot (or write spot, ha ha).

It's been a year since this happened:

And three loooong years since this happened:

And I swore I'd never do it again. You see, I've had three separate publishing contracts in my life. And all three have been . . . well, lets just say they've each been incredible learning experiences. For many, yours truly included, writing a novel is a bucket list item. But rarely are we ever satisfied with merely checking a box on our list. We want success. We want to live the dream. Are we satisfied with merely running a marathon, or do we want to qualify for Boston?  We at least want to PR, right? Is it ever enough just to jump from an airplane with a parachute strapped to our back? No. We want to fully experience the weightlessness, the wind, the breathless thrill. We want our friends and family cheering us on, maybe diving with us. Would we be satisfied with merely flying to Hawaii, landing at the airport, looking around, and then flying back home? No. We want to enjoy the sand and surf. We want to explore the tropical island by day and by night. We want to do touristy things while secretly dreaming of becoming a local. And for me, merely signing a publishing contract and holding my own paperback in my hands, flipping through the pages of my own creation, just wasn't enough. I wanted to earn a real paycheck, maybe pay my husband back for all of his support. I hoped for some success. I dreamed of signings and lectures and tours and events. And I did have signings and lectures and tours and events. And I did get a paycheck here and there. But all those things weren't what I had hoped they would be. Which was what, anyway? Learning experiences.

 And I haven't felt the need to go back to that and . . . have more learning experiences. So I walked away from my writing (well, except for blogging, which is kinda like writing--but not). I took a year off completely and I worked on me. 

I certified in Sport Yoga.

I crossed some running goals off my list.

I read . . . a lot. And actually enjoyed it. (The love of reading left me when I got published.)

I certified in Pilates.

I fell in love with teaching group fitness classes.

I started blogging again.

I spent more quality time with my kids.

And in the back of my mind something (or someone) kept nagging at me. Had I left that part of my life for good, or just for now? Had I given up? Am I a quitter? 

I preach all the time that we need to keep a forward momentum, looking for progress. And yet, in this one part of my life I've been stalled. Is it time to kick myself into gear and get moving once again?

I pulled up the old file of this next great work of fiction that has been calling my name. A strange and slightly familiar sensation began growing in my gut. Before I could recall what that feeling was, it crept up into my chest, tickled my throat a little, and spread across my face. I smiled as I recognized the feeling of excitement that only writing can bring, that old creative flame, the call to get lost in my own head, getting to know and understand my own characters, and my own demons.

Will I finally finish the book now? Only time will tell.

What fills your bucket?

So, I turned 39 this week. There, I said it. We will have a moment of silence as I reflect on the fact that I will shortly be leaving my 30's (aka: the best decade of my life thus far).___________________________________________________________________

Now let us move on.

Can we just talk about this for a minute:

 I guess if getting older has taught me one thing it is this: to work to reach my own potential, not the potential I wish I had. 

I am mediocre at a lot of things. I am not trying to be humble when I say that. It is instead simply the truth. I have tried many, many things in my 39 years. Sometimes I am good at them, mostly I am just okay. I got good grades in school but was not valedictorian by any means. I sang in my high school concert choir, but was never considered worthy of a solo. I have written a couple of novels. One even reached the top 50 best-seller list for its genre on Amazon. But I know I will never write a New York Times Best Seller. Again, not trying out a false humility. I am just being honest here. And I am fine with all of that.

I run. I like to run. I enjoy the community of runners. I do not run fast, or all that far for that matter. I will likely never qualify for Boston or run an ultra marathon. Nor do I really care to. I do not win races or earn sponsors. I do, however, try. And for my efforts sometimes I am met with a reward of some sort, a PR, a runner's high,  eating lots of bread without any hint of guilt. And I am satisfied with that. Sure, there are times when I wish I could run sub 7 minute miles--heck, I'd like to regularly run sub 8 minute miles. But that is not the point of running. That is not why I do what I do. I do what I do to strive for my own potential. To fill my bucket of joy. And if I'm constantly measuring that against what fills someone else's bucket I will never find happiness. There comes a time when we have to be satisfied with what is in our bucket and stop wishing for more.

I have a dear, sweet friend who has dieted and obsessed over every morsel of food she eats for the last 20 years. Once when I asked her why she replied that she didn't want to end of up looking like her mother (who looks just fine in my opinion). I was saddened. She has been sacrificing joy out of fear of comparison. (Not that food is joy, but I really do see a desperation in her that has to hamper her ability to fill her bucket with joy.) I wish I could express to her the need to celebrate her healthy body today instead of living in a future that hasn't happened yet. I figure the only guarantee I have is today. I'd better like what I have, who I am, what I'm doing today or else I have nothing--an empty bucket.

It's hard not to be competitive in this world we live in. With social media--media in general--it is nearly impossible not to compare every aspect of our lives with what we see from others'. But the truth is, as cliche as it sounds, comparison really is the thief of joy. Most of what we see is illusion anyway. What I'd like to know is how would our lives change if in order to pick up one admirable trait from another person we had to pick up every other trait as well? By that I mean what if in order to have the six-pack abs of that swim-suit model, we had to go through the years of adolescent torment she endured for being seven inches taller than everybody in her 8th grade class. What if in order to have the generous nature of our neighbor, we had to go through twenty years of financial hardship she suffered when her husband lost his job and walked out on the family? What if in order to run as fast as that first-place finisher, we had to grow up in the same abusive house she did, spending our nights running in order to escape a volatile home? Do not wish for what you do not have.

My point is this: We each have been endowed with our own gifts that have been sifted through our own experience and refined by the work we have done to improve them. They are unique to just us--only us. There is no use in comparing any aspect of our lives with those of others'. The only potential we can reach is our own. And there is no such thing as perfection, just progress.

The end.

Dead Ends

I recently picked up a book called Nothing Daunted.

Amazon.com

In it the author tells the story of two society women who at the turn if the 20th century left behind their lives of luxury for adventure teaching school in the wilds of the Colorado frontier.

While attending school at Smith College, the two women in the story recalled the school president asking his students, "Are you a lifter, or a leaner?" That got them thinking--and moving.

It got me thinking too. For a long time--the better part of my coming-of-age years--I struggled with leaning. Sure, I was a nice girl, smart and helpful. I always had  a job and paid my bills. I took care of my obligations--but nothing more.

I leaned.

What I mean by that is I needed a lot of support to keep moving in a forward direction. Still do. I need cheerleaders. And that's not all bad. But what I've found is that for a long time I needed someone to tell me to do things and the keep cheering me on or my motivation would wain. 

For me, everything had to have a purpose. I wanted someone to validate my choices for me, fearing that if they didn't see the point in what I was doing, didn't give me their approval, then I was wasting time and would fall out of their favor. It is/was true with my parents, friends, husband, children. I didn't want to put them out.

I thought I was being considerate of others, letting them take the lead and meet their needs before trying to meet mine. But what I was really doing was self-sabotage. And everything became a dead end. I found myself feeling resentful. Other people seemed to find the time/money/ability to do things. They took dance lessons, participated in activities, joined teams...and I never did.

And then I realized that other people didn't seem to need that validation. They just did things. Because they wanted to. What? That's when I learned what is meant by the expression doers do. It's not that I was lazy. I lacked confidence. But if you never try anything--on your own, under your own power with your own motivation--you gain no strength. You do not grow. You are a dead end.

It's called called Esteem and Self-actualization and it's right at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs--a psychological theory to outline the general motivational patterns behind human behavior.

Wikipedia

So a while back I decided to run. Not because I was training for something. Not because someone asked me to. Not because I needed to exercise. I just ran because I wanted to, because I enjoy it. And nobody died.

Believe it or not, I had never done that before. My mind was blown. Suddenly I realized I could do other just because I liked them. I could certify in Pilates just because I wanted to. I could start a blog just because I wanted to. And I didn't need anyone's approval.

You know what? Once I started meeting my own esteem needs and self-actualization needs, I stopped leaning and started lifting. It's a wonderful feeling!  Why on earth did it take me so long to figure it out?

Are you a lifter?

What have you done just because you want to?

Stop it!

After taking a couple of rest days, it sure felt good to get out and run this morning.

Last night's rain brought a beautiful sunrise. Seriously so gorgeous and just what I needed after a night of heavy thinking.

You see, I love Pinterest as much as the next girl. And last night I found myself sitting with my laptop, perusing the interwebs, pinning here and there. In general, Pinterest is an amazing tool. Want a great recipe for the 20 lb bag of frozen chicken thighs you bought at Costco? Go to Pinterest. Need ideas for a Sponge Bob-themed birthday party? Pinterest has you covered. I've used Pinterest for everything from ideas for church parties to treatments for dry, flaky scalp. And it's great; honestly, I don't know how I got along before Pinterest.

But there is one aspect of Pinterest that, well, I really don't like and it hit me hard last night: all the "fitness" motivation pins. 

Obviously I love "fitspiration." I've pinned my share of workout pins. I have boards dedicated to running, Pilates,yoga, and fitness in general. Truth be told, in the past year I've probably spent a combined total of days scouring Pinterest for workouts. And I've found myself getting frustrated, irritable, maybe a little obsessive. Dare I say angry?--at what? And why?

Last night it hit me: body hate. Many of the "fitness" pins don't inspire fitness at all. They inspire body hate.

Go ahead and see for yourself. Search fitness or workouts or health or whatever. You are going to find porn thinly veiled as motivation to get "healthy." I know you know what I'm talking about. Agree or disagree with me, it doesn't matter. Any time you pin a pin of an undressed woman, exposing her "womanly" body parts, promising that you too can have a higher, rounder tush and long, lean legs if you just do this series of exercises you are feeding in to a great big lie.

I don't mean you can't get the body you want from exercise. What kind of fitness instructor would I be if I believed that? What I mean is those pins aren't there on Pinterest for your benefit. They are there to drive traffic to a website. The people behind those seductive pins don't care how motivated you are to find optimal health. They only care how motivated you are to click on a link.

Don't believe me? Check them out for yourself. How does it make you feel when you see a picture of a Victoria's Secret model? If you're anything like me, then you feel envious. You'd love to look like that. And the people behind those images know that.

But do you feel empowered? Strong? Capable? Motivated to be your best you? I know I don't.

But that's how fitness is supposed to make you feel. Like your best you.

The truth is all bodies are different. And all bodies, though slightly predictable, respond to diet and exercise differently. It all depends on a crazy mash-up of genes, lifestyle, history, and accountability among other things. Our mothers have been telling us this since we became aware we needed training bras.

And yet we continue to embrace the half-naked, photoshopped version of the female body as "ideal."

Stop it! Stop the body hate!

I'm tired of hearing my strong, healthy friends say, "I hate my belly fat--I'm going vegan." Or, "maybe if I run this marathon I'll finally lose twenty pounds." Mostly I'm tired of feeling just awesome after an amazing run only to feel defeated moments later as I unpeel in front of the mirror and realize that despite all my hard work I will still never look like those women on Pinterest.

So I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not pinning those almost pornographic fitness pins ever again. I will not continue to feed a greedy industry that uses women as tools.

Will you join me?

Update:

The very next day after I published this post, Tosca Reno of the Huffpost Living posted this article on The Blog. Glad to see I am not alone in my feelings about this disturbing aspect of "fitness." Women, girls, please understand that you are more than just your parts. Fitness should empower you, not make you feel like less--or worse, like a piece of meat. Fit is a way to live, not a way to look.

I really, really like cookies

My brain committed to 10 miles today before my body was on board. 

It was hot = I was slow. 

Sometimes the hope for a cold Diet Coke and a cookie are the only things that pull me through a long run--especially when all I really want to do is curl up on the couch and read.

I saw the trailer for Unbroken this morning and now I can't finish the book fast enough! Have you read it? Have you seen the trailer (hint: follow the link and watch the trailer)? So many inspiring quotes in this book/movie. Who isn't inspired by this? 

"If I can take it, I can make it."--Louie Zamperini

I did survive the 10 miles this morning. That makes me a survivor, right? That means I deserve a cookie. And a good book. On the couch.

Here's my favorite cookie recipe from my other blog:

1/2 C (one stick) light margarine

1/2 C unsweetened applesauce (or pureed white beans)
1/2 C white sugar
1 C brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 C rolled oats
2 C whole wheat flour (white whole wheat flour works nice)
2 C semi sweet chocolate or 60% cacao chips

In a mixer combine margarine and applesauce and blend until smooth. Add brown and white sugar, salt, soda, vanilla, and oats. Add one cup of flour while mixing then add chocolate chips. Mix and slowly add in the last cup of flour. Be careful not to add too much flour; any extra flour will result in “fluffy” or cake-like cookies. Drop spoon-size cookies onto greased cookie sheet and bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes.

These cookies are lower in fat and sugar than typical chocolate chip cookies but no one can tell! They taste delicious and pack a bit more nutrition than anything you can buy in the store. Also, they are egg and dairy free (except for the chips. Be sure to check the label on those).

Enjoy